Imposture Syndrome Teaching others to learn ourselves

I often feel like an imposture whenever I try to teach or explain anything new and times (which is almost always) I don’t feel qualified.

Even writing this blog right now, there is a part of me that thinks I don’t have anything of value to say. This makes me question why I’m even writing it, which does not help me write, let me tell you…

However, I’ve come to realize a few things when we attempt some teaching endeavor:

Intention matters; when we want to help someone else, others can tell.

Adults take shit too seriously; it would serve us well to remember to play.

We project insecurity outward; we convince others to believe something ourselves.

Intention Matters

If we are genuinely trying to help someone and not just help ourselves, we will be supported along the way. This is true when teaching, but for the sake of brievity, I’ll speak more generally about trying to help someone than specifically teaching them here.

People will see that we are trying to help, and they will be more willing to go along with us. They could be completely unaware consciously they are doing this, but it will be picked up through subtle ques.

This is true for the person we are trying to help, as well as others who are bystanders that are witnesses.

Think of a time when you were a part of both instances. If someone was being preachy, talking down to you, or just plain being rude, did you want their help? Did you resist them at all costs, even if you maybe thought in the back of your mind it would be good for you to listen?

Conversly, consider a time you saw someone else trying to help another person. Perhaps you were too busy or shy to intervene, but I’m willing to bet you were happy to help if you could. But if the person doing the helping was an ass about it, most of us would not only refuse to help, but might even block theirr so called help.

When it’s the first instance, and there is a person we are trying to help, they will be more willing to receive. This will allow them greater change, and suddenly we become the excuse they needed to change.

Since ultimately it’s up to the individual to shift or not, all we can really do is be a support for them anyway. And so our intention to be of service ends up helping them just because they can tell we want to help.

On the other side, if we are trying to help someone and another person sees our intention is to be of service, they will support us in our journey. This could come in any number of ways, with them dedicating their time, money, or energy to both helper and helpee. And so again our intention has paved the way for greater change for the individual(s) who we are trying to help.

This is apparent in the physical world, but I would argue this process also happens on an unseen level. There are guides, angels, and spirit who are just waiting for the opportunity to assist genuine transformation, and when we show up and indicate a willingness, they will match our effort one hundred percent.

“Our intention creates our reality.”

~ Wayne Dyer

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Adults Take Shit Too Seriously

As a part of growing into a teacher, I realize that I not only need to walk my own path so that I have experience to teach, but also I’ll need to teach in order that I may learn. It is common at first to feel like we aren’t qualified, and that we need to “fake it until we make it.”

Consider playing sports as a kid… I know for myself, I would often imagine I was some sports superstar, and pretend that I was them. This didn’t feel like I was tricking anyone, it just felt like play.

As we grow older, we tend to take things much more seriously and look at everything as work instead of play. This causes us to take things so seriously, and think that there is a “right” way to do things.

“Why so serious?”
~ The Joker

With this overly serious mindset, it’s easy to fall into the trap that we shouldn’t even start something, for fear of failure. But as an adult, almost everyone feels like a fraud when they begin some new endeavor.

This mindset keeps us stuck, and the world will never be benefited with the gifts we have to offer though. We are actually doing everyone — including ourselves most of all — a disservice by not trying.

Mistakes are part of the process of learning. The only mistake we can make is to not learn from our so-called mistakes. Or being too stubborn to even try something new.

It’s paradoxical because it’s only after we have begun and have had experience, that we become comfortable enough to begin. So we’ve got to trust the process, and start where we are at, knowing that it will take several time trying something before we no longer feel like we are unqualified.

After we’ve gained enough confidence, then we can start playing. Or we can skip the struggle and just remember to play.

“We don’t stop playing because we grow old; we grow old because we stop playing”

~ George Bernard Shaw

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We Project Insecurity Outward

I would push my beliefs on others in the past because I was insecure of my own faith in them. By trying to convince them that I was right, I unconsciously thought I would convince myself.

This was especially true for my spiritual beliefs, and I thought everyone needed to learn what I had. So I would attempt to teach them (more like argue at them) what I thought I believed.

Because they were important to me, I thought they should be important to other people as well. But by trying to force them on others, it was actually a form of violence towards them.

The only time other people are willing to change is when they themselves decide to change. There is no way we can force this on other people. The best thing we can do is wait for our opinion…actually our experience, because our opinion doesn’t mean anything if we haven’t lived through something.

When asked, we can offer. As the saying goes, “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” But when the student is not ready, they don’t want a damn teacher.

This is something to watch out for when we first feel a calling to teach: The desire to educate others may be stemming partially from our own insecurity in our confidence in the material.

If we feel a strong need to be right, this is one indication. Taking things personally and getting upset when people don’t listen to us is another.

The more neutral we are when offering our advice, the less likely we are caught up in our own crap. While it’s perfectly natural to use others to refine our way of thinking by debating (this includes listening!) with them, it’s quite another thing to try to force our beliefs on them in a monologue as opposed to a dialogue.

“When people talk, listen completely. Most people never listen.”

~ Ernest Hemingway

A monologue indicates we aren’t listening or refining our beliefs, and are instead just talking “at” them. When we engage in a dialogue, we are giving and taking, while being open to changing our mind.

No matter how experienced we ever become at being a teacher, should we ever forget that there’s potentially something more to learn. If we ever find ourselves in the belief that we have the “right” and “only” answer, we can be certain that we are wrong.

Having some humility is a good thing, and is not the same thing as lacking the confidence to even begin teaching because we think we are an imposter. We can be confident in our teaching and think we have something to offer, while simultaneously still recognizing there’s always something more to learn.

This will also provide some relief when we begin teaching, because we can allow ourselves some graciousness realizing there will always be higher levels of refinement in our teaching. We will never be perfect, and the only way to get better is to begin.

“You have your way. I have my way. As for the right way, the correct way, and the only way, it does not exist.”

~ Friedrich Wilhelm Nietzsche